I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
