btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize