I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Boobs are out for the taking
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
