I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
