I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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