I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
