don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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