he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
