Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
