Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
