TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
