Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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