my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
