thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
