He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize