Having a random hookup so left but love u
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
