Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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