True but thats because hes a fetus.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
