Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
