He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
