I just made out with a guy for $7.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
