My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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