And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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