How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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