i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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