I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
