My first STD was from a foam party
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
