when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
