last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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