We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
