i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize