Pappa wants mamma naked
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
