This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
