Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Two words: nipple clamps
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