Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
