I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
