you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
