I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
