Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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