i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
