Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
