Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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