This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
