I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
