a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
