if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
