it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
