I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
