I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
