If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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