Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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