she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
