That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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