I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize