Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
