Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
