we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
