That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize