My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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