Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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