ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sober January is a disaster.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
