Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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