youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
