I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
