i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My vagina just recognized that song.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
