I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
