Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
